live for today

i've been working more on my writing...i found out a few weeks ago that they "extended" our creative writing class, so i will get at least two more stories critiqued over the next 10 weeks. david and i have been talking about documenting our hilarious wedding adventure (if you haven't already heard, we got married one week after hurricane ike, in our house with no power)...so that will probably be my first submission.

i have also been working on a rewrite of the first story i submitted for class, which chronicles the events following my sister's death, through the funeral.  i am hoping to submit for a contest at memoir (and) next month. i have also come across creativenonfiction.org, which has been immensely helpful in finally understanding the type of writing i hope to create. it seems to be the perfect description of the writing i have been doing, and aspire to publish someday.

finally, i finished my "this i believe" essay! this is something i've been meaning to do since i heard my first episode on npr 4 years ago. i'm still tweaking it a bit, but i thought i'd put it out there...as a promise that i WILL submit it very soon. and if you've never heard this i believe...be sure to download a podcast to your iPod!
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I believe I must live for today.


There is something freeing about learning to live in the present moment. Freedom from the must do's, should do's, and a focus on what I am doing. Right now. I have learned mindfulness from Buddhism, encouraging engagement and participation in each moment. The ability to find steadiness in the extremes of our hectic lifestyles. And self-help books that promote "living in the moment" and "being present" in our everyday lives.

But this belief is mostly a result of life experience.

In my early 20's, I was a typical college graduate, dreaming of the big job, the corporate office, house with the white picket fence. Always thinking I'd be happy when I got the promotion, my name on the door, met the right guy…

When I was 27, my life changed forever. Two weeks shy of her 25th birthday, my sister and her husband were murdered in their home. In the moments after I heard the news, everything shifted. The future vanished, my plans dissolved, there was no room in my grief for "someday."

As the years have passed since her death, and I've moved further along on my journey, I have refined this belief. Over time, I have perfected it, and finally realized it's place in my life philosophy.

We never know what can happen in the blink of an eye. Some may call it morbid, but I fully expect to be hit by a bus at any time. I know how quickly life can change. I have learned that we can only control this one moment. I hug my husband tightly, tell him how much I love him. I am fully present and engaged at the hospital, as a medical social worker. Even mundane daily activities…coffee tastes richer, music sounds sweeter, the feel of sand between my toes becomes cause for celebration.

Because I live for today, I worry less about tomorrow. I aim to live without regret for what might have been. And I never take for granted the gift of each day my little sister will never enjoy. I still have dreams for the future, but they are never as lovely as the moment I am in right now.

discovery #24

that i am a collector

this idea actually came to me as i was looking at the door of my fridge this morning. what's with the amount of condiments we amass after a while? i just went and counted: 29 items!?! now, i would argue that like most "collections," we do not intend for them to grow so large, it just kinda happens.

my first experience with this is displayed proudly in the photo above. first of all, i cannot believe i actually found this photo today (or remembered that i had it!) and second, please note the pink carpet and teal furniture of my 7th grade bedroom. from this time until about my senior year of college this collection had grown out of control...somewhere over 100 pigs at last count.

i noticed this phenomenon again  when i started doing mixed media. i had a ridiculous amount of art/craft supplies that had been steadily growing since my first trip to pearl in chicago, about 10 years ago. i went through quite a few phases: mosaic tiles, scrapbooking, painting old furniture, jewelry (including a rebirth of the "friendship bracelet" craze--tons of embroidery floss!)...collecting new toys along the way.

then i started thinking about my resume. wow, that's quite a collection! i talked a bit about my career path(?) here, which is as varied as my ever-changing art/craft interests. and when i finally decided to go to grad school and become a social worker, i realized how important all of those experiences truly were. and i believe this is the beauty of all the randomness that accumulates as we age.

hoisin sauce for the perfect asian chicken pizza,
ribbon for a last minute gift,
the ability to make a child laugh,
or an incredible powerpoint presentation

this is the power of time...the experiences we have collected over the years. and as i continue to fully embrace my 30's: the wisdom that comes with age, the skills culled, the knowledge gained...the pigs sold at a garage sale. these are the things that make each of us unique. the collections build the foundation for our lives. the stories we tell, the memories we hold dear.

what have you gathered over the years? what would you like to collect more of? for me, it's the memories. the crazy things i've done that always make for a good story.  and i believe that is what this blog has become--a new way for me to collect everyday moments that might otherwise go unnoticed. a collection of the beautiful memories of my life.

hmmmm

i never thought about how people actually comment on my blog...i just set up my little space and hoped that someone might be interested in stopping by. i've gotten comments over the months, so i figured it was all good. but then i actually ASKED people to comment, and found that maybe's there's a problem. my cousin told me a while back that she tried to comment, but it wouldn't go through. knowing that blogger is sometimes crabby and prone to tantrums, i just figured it was another glitch in the system. well, this time she tried again...to no avail...and i realized i had selected "registered users" only. so i opened it up to everyone, thinking that might solve it. but AGAIN, she couldn't comment.

so....what i'm thinking is: MILLIONS OF AMAZING PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO COMMENT EVERY DAY! at least that will make me happy for right now. but what made me happy on sunday, was that my first (and only!) comment was from susannah, who started the whole smile-revolution. and that made the whole experiment worth it.

and now i'm back to writing just for me, to remember this crazy-beautiful life i live, and to have a place to display all the pretty things i've been collecting. i went around my house and took photos of all the things that make me happy. and as we plan to move out of this big house and into a tiny apartment, i really need to enjoy the space while i can. here we go... 

all of my vintage cameras...and some favorite photos

the original paintings from our wedding invitation, in an old frame found at a garage sale (p.s. if you look close, i wrote our vows in the border)

a mosaic i started over the weekend, which was supposed to be entered in a contest at work tomorrow...but sadly still looks similar to above...

my desk in my studio...i love when it looks like this

the bulletin board by my computer desk...the plastic baggie holds my grandmother's hankie that she mailed to houston for my wedding (when she couldn't fly in due to the hurricane)

the watercolor david and i made together to remind us of our time in greece

smile.

i absolutely love this post by susannah conway! and i would love some smiley love too! since i started this blog in june 2009, i have had 22 comments. i now have over 100 posts...22 comments makes me a bit sad. i can't be the ONLY one thinking this stuff, where's the love?

i've been doing a bit of a "review" again after 6 months...and definitely hope the next half of my year will include more connection with other bloggers (and friends who follow!) and i know you're out there...my cousin convinced me to get into my analytics file the other day.

i remember a while back, i read another post that talked about this...maybe we just have to ask for what we need. i am craving that connection right now, perhaps i'm just a bit needy this month. so, let me know you're there...just a quick :) to say hi! i'm not expecting 100 responses like susannah, but maybe 4 or 5 would be a start.

are you there?

discovery #23

that i do NOT suffer from adultitis!!

i had another one of those overlaps. i've been seeing the "escape adulthood" badge over at joyrebel.com for a while now, but never had the time to check it out. finally, the other day at work, i really needed a reminder on how to maintain my child-like attitude... then the next day, the lifelaughsandlemmings post referred to adultitis as well! (and i had to leave a comment supporting the mission!) i knew this was a sign from the universe that i needed to spend some more time on this subject.

according to kim & jason, "Adultitis is a common condition occurring in people between the ages of 21–121, marked by chronic dullness, mild depression, moderate to extremely high stress levels, a general fear of change, and, in some extreme cases, the inability to smile. Patients can appear aimless, discontent, and anxious about many things. Onset can be accelerated by an excess burden of bills, overwhelming responsibilities, or a boring work life. Generally, individuals in this condition are not fun to be around."

i am very happy to report that i do not exhibit ANY of the warning signs! if you are worried you may be infected, you can take the intake exam here ! commenting on the other blog made me start thinking of the things that i do to avoid the stress and general discontent described above. i started looking through my pictures to find something for this post...and realized that today's entry will mostly be a visual representation of my thoughts:

how do you escape adulthood?