floating

yesterday i was myself again. i've been coming out of this fog for a while, but i finally felt the warmth of the sun on my face. in my effort toward authenticity and  my mission to maintain my childlike spirit...it felt like success. one snippet of my near-perfect day looked like this:

windows down in the black beauty, a car that has seen me through everything: grief, grad school, 4 am shifts at starbucks, marriage, and a fairly horrible commute to my first "real" job in houston. she's more like an old friend than a piece of machinery now. i know my CRV like the back of my hand--there's a comfort that comes with the relationship and she definitely has a special place in my life.

so, the wind is pushing those curly little pieces of hair all around my face. i smile in the rearview mirror...my natural hair frizzing in the late-summer heat. i am happy. the kind of happy where i glide my hand out the window to ride the waves of wind floating alongside me. and when a favorite song comes on the radio, just as i'm picking up speed on the open highway, let out a little scream...just to remind myself that i'm alive.

it was just a moment. a drive i've made a hundred times. but it was in that moment i knew i was coming back. that part of me that seemed trapped in quicksand, the one unable to break free from the tangles of her own life. in that moment, i felt peace.

sometimes i need to scream with the windows open. not worry what the guy in the lexus might think when i weave my arm through the warm breeze.  sometimes, i just need to be me.