holiday flashback

 photo credit

this friday is a special one...one where many of us spend time with family and try our darnedest not to kill each other.  i am no different...although i spend quite a bit of time with my family throughout the year. the trouble is: my father and i are polar opposites with identical personalities. most dinners turn into a conversational battle of the wills, weekends at the beach become destination political debates, a leisurely lunch at sweet tomatoes can evoke high blood pressure and anxiety.

but i'll turn back the clock to a time when i was known only as daddy's girl. i wasn't interested in the dresses mom laid out on the bed, the dolls my sister meticulously dressed in ball gowns and high heels. i played in the park and caught pop flies, preferred my pet hermit crab to the family kittens, and couldn't stand more than a 30 minute back-to-school shopping trip. dad and i did everything together...picking out baseball bats, long rides in his shiny white convertible, practicing putts at wee tee. it wasn't until my teens that this quality time began to dwindle.

so it was incredibly refreshing to spend an entire evening this week watching his dvr'd classics...just the two of us. no discussions about obama, or my career as a social worker, no jabs at my lack of permanent housing, or merlot-induced name calling ("bleeding heart liberal" or "*&%$#@* liberal" his favorites). just like old times...me and dad...and some blue bell ice cream bars, just to make it that much sweeter.

flashback friday

on wednesday i did cartwheels in the sand. it was one of those perfect texas days—70 degrees in december—and we went out for a bike ride. we were explorers that day, zooming in and out of golf cart paths, criss-crossing the highway that divides the complex, through tunnels and grassy patches. at one point, i veered off the path and headed straight for the long wooden walkway leading to the beach. we navigated the curves of the wheelchair ramp—up, up, until we passed the grasslands underneath and landed on the sandy ledge beyond. i was quick to jump off my bike and suggest a walk on the beach before turning back.

as we left the wooden boardwalk, i envisioned myself doing cartwheels on the dark sand. and as quickly as this thought entered, it floated away with the wind, replaced by thoughts of broken bottles hiding out of view, the weight of my grown-up body crumbling on my weakened wrists. but i resisted these negativities…a child doesn't worry about falling in the sand, a few scrapes and cuts…and focused instead on the impulse: i want to do a cartwheel.

and so i did. a few of them actually, trying to point my toes skyward, improve my form, win the 30-40 age bracket for best beach gymnastics. and guess what? there was no glass waiting to slice open my palms, my strong yoga arms easily held my body weight as i pinwheeled toward the crashing waves. this simple act reminded me that if i open my heart to the impulses, and let go of my grown-up worries…i am more than capable of following my dreams.

i will continue my effort to apply this lesson to other areas of my life, and refuse to let fear and anxiety dictate my actions. as adults we tend to be too responsible…identifying every possible {negative} outcome before taking action. sometimes we need to just go for it, consequences be damned. now, i'm not advocating for risky behaviors here, just a smidge less analyzing and a bit more adventure.

what did you do this week to exercise your childlike spirit?

4G? Nope.

4 D. as in, the hubby and i went to see polar express 4D at moody gardens last week. for hanukkah david took me to the festival of lights event and fully encouraged my inner child...we rode around in a golf cart, shooting pictures of all the crazy animals and disney characters, and eating kettle corn from the little booth. but the best part was definitely when we splurged for the upgrade on the 16-minute interactive version of my favorite childhood holiday book.

on christmas day, my maternal grandparents would come over to our house to open gifts, but only after we completed our annual entertainment. first, my sisters and i would take turns on the piano, singing and trying to keep pace with the 6 other voices similarly off-key. after the horrifying talent show ended, we'd snuggle up on the couch or the floor near grandpa's feet, as he'd read from our personal copy of the polar express. the reason our book was so special was that attached like a bookmark was a lovely red ribbon with a life-sized sleigh bell, just like the one in the story.

grandpa's been gone ten years now, but i can still picture him poised on the flowered couch with the bright december sunlight glowing over his shoulder as he read. his slender legs crossed at the knee, slacks always pressed with a crease, cardigan to keep his ever-thinning body warm in the bitter midwestern winter. he became weaker and weaker in those last years, but always made an effort to maintain this family ritual. it was so wonderful that david could help renew that holiday tradition.

with grandpa gone, grandma in illinois, and my family boarding a cruise ship to cozumel, our traditions have changed. i'm glad to revisit this beautiful memory and send some love to grandpa olds this holiday season. and i'd love to know...what unique traditions do you and your family uphold?

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i'm also joining in the fun for december views 2010. i had already started my own version last weekend and stumbled across the badge at another blog.  i've always loved checking in with hippy urban girl and excited to join in this project and showcase all my lovely winter images.  care to join me?

glide

it feels like flying when you really get going. the running start to gain speed, making sure the nose of the cart is pointed directly at your destination. i used to look around to make sure no one was watching as i left the store. like my secret hit from the bong, something forbidden; like i could get caught. but now i do it with pride…my attempt at avoiding adultitis, my promise to live fully, my commitment to this blog and my childish spirit.

i did a super run yesterday—almost all the way to the car…and then i turned around and went back to where david was slowly trailing behind me. it was a perfect ride: the slant of the Target parking lot just gradual enough for me to keep up a good speed. the cart weighed down with holiday goodies to keep me from popping a wheelie during my descent. it feels a little like my old skateboard, the tug of uncertainty that it won't hold my weight as i glide along; that at any moment i might find my face kissing asphalt.

but you do it anyway…for the rush. the wind in my face, the simple pleasure of it. not because it will take years off my appearance, increase my chances at the corner office, or offer an instant coupon for 33% off. i love riding the cart because it is FUN. pure, unadulterated fun. and isn't that the point, really? to take a few minutes each day to do something that makes us smile? not for some reward or benefit, except that slight bounce in my step. to show that i'm still young at heart.

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i've had a rough few months as of late, and my blog has suffered as a result. but i am reclaiming my playground. i am ready for skinned knees and my new box of dora the explorer band-aids. i bring you this flashback friday with a renewed sense of vitality and purpose. life is hard. adulthood is serious. i am here to remind you that life is also short.  we need to ride the swings whenever possible.

join the cause.

<center><a title="jodie's playground" href=" http://jodiekim.blogspot.com/p/flashback-friday.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4151/4837953444_49e1cc87a6_m.jpg"/></a></center>

draw on yourself

in lieu of the tattoo i suggested and david vetoed...i went ahead and penned this one myself. today was the last day of my unlimited month of yoga (a gracious gift from my little sister)...and my intention was simple:

to be peaceful.

i have also drawn it on the walls...am i getting better at this being a kid thing, or what??  okay, it wasn't the walls, it was my bathroom mirror (with dry erase marker)...but it felt a bit naughty anyway. it makes me think of coloring outside the lines, decorating my mom's hallway in gorgeous crayola hues, all of those things we created and colored and drew all over as kids. doodling in school notebooks, maybe even on the desks, perhaps a bathroom stall in college...no, not me!

but why not break the rules a little bit? do something unexpected. stand facing the back wall of the elevator when you get in. take your kids out of school for the afternoon and let them choose something fun to do. shock yourself with your creativity.

what's one thing you've always wanted to do...but thought you might get in trouble? your homework:  DO IT.  and then let me know how much fun you had.  happy friday!

floating

yesterday i was myself again. i've been coming out of this fog for a while, but i finally felt the warmth of the sun on my face. in my effort toward authenticity and  my mission to maintain my childlike spirit...it felt like success. one snippet of my near-perfect day looked like this:

windows down in the black beauty, a car that has seen me through everything: grief, grad school, 4 am shifts at starbucks, marriage, and a fairly horrible commute to my first "real" job in houston. she's more like an old friend than a piece of machinery now. i know my CRV like the back of my hand--there's a comfort that comes with the relationship and she definitely has a special place in my life.

so, the wind is pushing those curly little pieces of hair all around my face. i smile in the rearview mirror...my natural hair frizzing in the late-summer heat. i am happy. the kind of happy where i glide my hand out the window to ride the waves of wind floating alongside me. and when a favorite song comes on the radio, just as i'm picking up speed on the open highway, let out a little scream...just to remind myself that i'm alive.

it was just a moment. a drive i've made a hundred times. but it was in that moment i knew i was coming back. that part of me that seemed trapped in quicksand, the one unable to break free from the tangles of her own life. in that moment, i felt peace.

sometimes i need to scream with the windows open. not worry what the guy in the lexus might think when i weave my arm through the warm breeze.  sometimes, i just need to be me.

flashback friday

it was so much harder to think of this week's flashback friday...mostly because i haven't been feeling very playful lately. it seems that every day has brought new grown-up challenges and limited my time for more simple pleasures. which is exactly why i needed today's adventure...

david and i used to go mountain biking at least once a week...i remember when i first started this blog, i posted this about our weekend ritual. and it was always a time of unadulterated fun. there's something about flying through the trails, wind whipping your face, a sense of true joy when we're in the groove. today i really forced myself to forget about all of my adult worries and just ride. i focused on the glints of sunlight through the trees, the birds chirping happily overhead, and the sound of my breath as we navigated the valleys and obstacles in our path.

riding bikes as a kid, we were never thinking about the homework we had to do later that night or the nutritional content of our lunchboxes. we were solely focused on the task at hand--speed and balance and the ever-popular "no hands" to show off to our friends. now, i may not have a banana seat or streamers flowing from my handle bars, but i do still get that little jolt of fear when we hit a difficult trail, that sense of freedom when flying downhill at top speed, and joy at having my best friend beside me for the ride.

what did you do last week that made you feel like a kid again?

<center><a title="jodie's playground" href=" http://jodiekim.blogspot.com/p/flashback-friday.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4151/4837953444_49e1cc87a6_m.jpg"/></a></center>

mission failed...

this flashback friday is actually a reflection on how i DIDN'T live like a kid last week...please don't be disappointed with me, it happens sometimes. that damn adult instinct takes over and says things like "that's not professional" or "you'll look like a clown." now when i was a kid, looking like a clown was a GOOD thing. so here's how it went down last week...

i was in a funk...i was having one of those crisis moments where i realize that i work to pay my bills in this terrible cycle of consumerism for things i don't really want, but need to maintain this ridiculous lifestyle i didn't exactly choose but seems necessary in our modern western culture.  (and yes, i was temporarily forgetting that i love my job and have a really lovely and exciting life despite this work-financial obligation-responsible-adult-predicament.) so i had a flashing thought that i should wear my "wedding shoes" {pictured above} to work to cheer myself up a bit, but then VETOED it. just like that...my yucky grown-up brain told me NO.

this is exactly the stuff that stifles creativity. that stunts our growth (at any age). this is not good for my soul. i firmly believe that kids should wear tutu's and firefighter hats to kindergarten (or 6th grade!). i also believe that i should wear red puma sneakers to work if i feel like it. red sneakers do not take away my master's degree or the licensure i attend countless continuing ed courses and pay hard-earned cash to maintain. funky blue laces do not say "i am a bad social worker" or "i am incapable of providing empowering statements and listening attentively."

if i have to be a grown-up, i should be able to act like a kid not only in the privacy of my own home (ben and jerry's straight from the container, with an oven mitt to protect from frostbite), but in public as well. and next time i feel like a little wedding-shoe-love might lift my spirits....i will say yes.
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for a chance to win that fabulous giveaway, answer me this...what did you do this week {or really wish you had done} to feel like a kid again?

i scream, you scream...

this week's flashback friday is all about summer fun....specifically, ICE CREAM! although i'm not gonna lie, i believe that ice cream is a year-round delicacy. recently, as we were driving to work i noticed a little shop i'd never seen in the 100+ times we've driven by.  it was called hank's ice cream, and i just knew that we'd be visiting very soon.  so last night david and i had a perfect summer evening...swimming at the Y, then home for a (well-balanced) meal, and then....to hank's!

i have to tell you, that oatmeal raisin in a sugar cone was sculpted to perfection by a young gentleman i am guessing to be hank's grandson.  and there were three generations of hank's family behind the counter of this old-fashioned ice cream parlor...one to give me the delicious "tester" of homemade heaven, one to make the perfect cone for my licking pleasure, and the third to divulge my husband's creative nature.  he could not be bothered with your run-of-the-mill rootbeer float, he opted for the much more exotic, much more texan...

DR. PEPPER FLOAT

we don't mess around down here, ya'll! it was so much fun, walking outside on a hot (82 degrees at 8:00pm) night, enjoying a sugar high with my hubby. but today i got to thinking about how we rarely allow ourselves such joys in this carb-obsessed, south-beach-frenzied, calorie-counting country of ours. i thought of the glorious gelato stands in italy, where no one is shy to order extra pistachio creaminess...and then walk around the piazza enjoying every lick.

which is what i wish for you in these last weeks of summer: to truly indulge yourself. maybe you're lactose intolerant and ice cream isn't your thing, but find whatever it is...and really ENJOY it. don't eat it and then think about how many sit-ups you're gonna need to combat those cheese fries, just enjoy them.  as kids we don't worry about it "going to our hips"...and to be honest with you, i don't think we should be doing it as adults. i know i've rambled on about weight watchers in previous posts, but i'm gonna have to repeat it here:  they know what they're doing.

the one rule in WW (okay, there are a few...) is to actually taste your food, to enjoy it, savor it, make it worth it.  which is exactly what i did with my cone last night, right down to the last bite. life is short...we're never gonna be as thin as we think we "should" be. again, i ask you:  on your deathbed will you remember those extra 30 minutes on the treadmill, or that wonderfully warm night out with your husband, ice cream dripping down your wrist, watching this...

what are you doing this summer that makes you feel like a kid?

storytime

so you may have noticed a little blog-makeover this week...i've been working hard to make my online home better reflect my real life. it kinda felt like when you move the furniture around in a room and it looks totally different...even though it's the same old stuff! i realized that i've been talking about all of these concepts over the past year, now i'm just giving them a breath of fresh air. and i'm making good on my promise to connect more with the creative women who inspire me every day.

if you've read my blog before, you know that i've tried to do a new discovery post every week over the past year. well, with jodie's playground, my goal is to engage others to join me in adding play to our daily routines, and friday will be the day to check in and see how we're doing. i imagine my flashback friday's will be similar to my discoveries, but focused on what i'm doing to nourish my childlike spirit.

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this week i'm going to talk about one of my favorite subjects: reading. as a 20-something i started collecting children's books--you know the ones:

• the very hungry caterpillar
• corduroy bear
• alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

i don't know what made me start doing it, but my mom and i had such fun flipping through dozens of amelia bedelia's mishaps! thinking back on those books reminds me how much i loved reading as a kid...hours spent at the peoria public library, lounging on bean bag chairs, checking out mountains of summer reads.

my cousin was recently in town for a week and finished 3 books on her trip (p.s. she's a teacher and has a master's in reading--she reads FAST). once she finished one, i took it and i actually finished a whole book that week too (and i was working!) it made me think of those awesome summer reading lists...and how i devoured words like candy back then, a sugar-high when my heroine saved the day.

and last week i realized that i still get that high. that feeling when you're at the peak, not knowing what will happen next. and then the depression that sets in when the last page is turned, and i must bid farewell to  my new friends. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is an incredible book...i highly recommend it for the last lazy weeks of summer. and if you don't have time for that one, then maybe one of shel silverstein's poems will do the trick. 

what are you doing this summer that makes you feel like a kid?