a place i haven’t lived…

milos, greece. but i will someday. i wanted to pretend i lived there during those seven glorious days. pretend that i was european and glamorous and could stay forever taking pictures and making art. but i haven’t lived in one of those dusty stucco houses nestled in the hills, the white gleaming like ivory against the mediterranean landscape. i haven’t woken up with the view of the ocean twinkling below my perch in the hills, with a church to the east and another to the west. i have not received mail or prepared a meal, nor have i taken out the trash.

but in my dreams i am there. in an airy studio with native tunes floating out of an old radio and a breeze that could melt your heart. i have dishes and a garbage can and a flowy ink pen to send airmail messages across the sea. in milos, i am an artist. i am a writer—a famous american writer—with her rabbi husband, the quirky couple who ride their bikes across the island and skinny dip late at night off the pier. i am fulfilling a lifelong dream, to live in a place where i first realized true beauty, where life is simple and safe and inspired.

i have not lived on a tiny island in the aegean sea, with a restaurant in the fishing village that serves grilled calamari so good you’d spend all day on a dirty fishing boat with two stinky men, just to have seconds. an island with secret places to explore, mountains to climb, sparkling oceans to swim. with more sandy beaches than any of her sisters lining the path to athens. a magical place where australian expats throw pottery and open their studios to curious travelers. and the sand artist who works by lamplight, late into the night as tourists admire his intricate handiwork. where greek yogurt is just yogurt and is served with the sweetest honey bees have ever created. and when they dance around the table amongst the teacups and thinly sliced provolone, they are welcome breakfast guests.

in my dreams, the living room opens onto a wide terrace where we take our meals. fresh tomatoes and feta and sweet onions join the rustic bread basket and crisp white wine on the tablecloth. here, i am home.

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i haven't put a lot of my writing here on the blog....which doesn't really make sense because the whole point of this blog was for me to improve my writing.  the above piece was sent to the writing group i met at kripalu in november.  we have committed to doing a monthly submission to each other...mostly as a way to stay connected across the country. 

i have been doing an almost daily writing practice, using prompts from my natalie goldberg book old friend from far away. this prompt came from the book, which is full of things to get me going on my memoir.  hopefully i'll be posting a lot more in the weeks to come...i quit my job at the hospital (finally!) and will be moving to the beach full-time.  i'm so excited for my new life i can hardly stand it.  i'll be sure to post about all the changes soon.

kripalu

the breeze is cool on my bare feet, sun streaming over my toes like kisses from a lover. my heart thumps a bit deeper in my chest, all those spaces filled with love and power. with determination, fierce love--for myself, my life, this crazy world of which i'm a living, breathing part. the clouds drape the sky, the pure blue broken by wisps and streaks. my plane will divide them this afternoon, tearing me away from this place, but the string remains. i am connected...i will always be connected. to this large outdated building on a hill in massachusetts, to the fresh apple cider filling my belly. to the books, the pages, to anne and armely and jess, to my hamstrings and spine and writing arm continuing to strengthen.

i believe in healing. in the power of this place. of my mind, my spirit, of my place in the universe. of all the particles and energy flow and salty tears leaving a well-worn path on my cheek. i believe in myself. my commitment to this story. to my story. to sharing myself--open wide, naked to the world. vulnerable and broken, the bits of glue peeking through the spaces of repair.

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this was written on my last day of a three-day writing retreat with natalie goldberg at kripalu center in lenox ma. i have been home since sunday and still...there are no words.  hopefully a few excerpts from my journal over the next few days will suffice.

vacation hangover

i've been trying to get myself to go through the pictures, but it's just too depressing. 

i want to be back there....now.

anticipation

i am going here this weekend. just thinking about it makes me smile. 

i am happy...blissfully happy...when the car soars over the bridge.

i am inspired when i'm here. i have no worries when i'm here.

i feel blessed to have the opportunity to visit so often.

to share the experience with all of my friends.

to sit on the balcony and watch the pelicans swoop down into the sea.

to hear the waves lap on the shore.

feel the wind curl itself around me, play with my hair.

the salty sea air beckons me...

discovery #32

blanco, texas

we whet our appetites in the home base of wimberley, with the craziest shopping experience i have ever had. david and i were so disappointed that most of the antique shops were closed on sunday, but one of the owners had her own unique way to deal with this dilemma.  although she wasn't on-site and the shop was officially closed, she had a huge selection of "outdoor items" (mostly furniture and metalwork) that sits in the "front yard" of her store. and if you look very closely at the store hours, you will also find a line that reads self-service: please leave your money in the lock box below and enjoy!  we totally left cash in the box and walked off with the most perfect metal butterfly for our new gallery.

but i am missing the entire point of this discovery: BLANCO.  in our search for an (open) antique store, we stumbled upon the most.darling.town.ever. rather than ramble on about all my finds...i'll give you the visual tour:

what i have discovered over the last year is a deep love for vintage items...both for use in my artwork and also as a medium for story. i am always thirsting for more information about a piece i've found--or taken great pleasure in creating a story for myself. the best part of exploring this whole new world:  the other morning david woke up and asked me "wanna go antiquing today?"  marriage is so awesome.

west and weelaxation

i'm pretty sure my body is trying to tell me to SLOW THE HELL DOWN. it started on wednesday night and by yesterday at work i felt like it was crashing...i was weak all over and a bit shaky in my legs.  i could barely type (which i'm noticing is still happening now, but i'm blaming that on the fact that it's 6am), and basically the only thing i could do when i left my office at 1:00 was lay on the couch--okay it's actually an air mattress that we're using as a couch since ours is at the art gallery--and watch 3 movies back-to-back.

today, i'm dragging my ass to work because i love my co-worker too much to leave her alone on a friday with no social workers.  but the only thing that got me out of bed this morning was knowing that in less than 12 hours, david and i would be on the open road, wind whipping through our hair, heading toward wimberley.  ahhhh, just writing it makes me smile.

if anyone lives in texas and has spent even a short time in this magical place, you will know what i'm talking about.  and i would sit here all morning describing the heaven that is the hill-country, but then i'd be late for work.  i promise to recount the weekend--with loads of photos, no doubt--when we return.  now, if i can only make it until 5:00....

timing is everything

usually driving home from galveston is depressing. i was expecting after a week of loveliness, it would be even worse. but david and i raced out of the house to get to my favorite antique store by 5pm, made it just in time to buy some tiles for my artwork. then stopped for delicious pizza...AND ben & jerry's on the way out of town. while the pizza was cooking i thought the sky was gorgeous....

and then it did this:

these are the days i wish i had a real camera. wow.

p.s. i still don't have photoshop loaded on my new laptop yet, so you know this is the real deal.

arriving

the anticipation builds as the car lumbers over the old bridge.
the water in full view, 360 degrees of blue.
i open the windows to the familiar scent, the taste of salt in the air.
i breathe deep, the peaceful feeling already beginning to undo the weeks of knots building in my shoulders.
with my arm out the window as i always do, the cool breeze floating through my fingertips.
a salute to the pelicans soaring above.

a camera can never capture this scene.
cannot convey the change within my soul.
the experience of being here, in this moment.
the tension releases, i relax deeper into my seat, i am fully present.
two dollars to the man in the booth; a small price to pay for this freedom.

we have arrived.

day trippin'

to celebrate our anniversary, david and i did what we LOVE to do: road trip! even if it's just the few hours to austin, we love having time to talk, sing loud to the radio (and dance like idiots!), and get a break from our routine at home. i didn't remember how pretty that drive is, with all the trees and ranches and cute little towns (we need to hit up the antique stores next time) along the way. we had planned to go to barton springs pool, which is fed from natural underground springs, a part of zilker park. but i knew the water was always a cool 68 degrees (such a nerdy pre-trip researcher), and figured we'd better do something to get hot before heading over.

since my bike STILL has a flat tire we decided to forgo our usual trails in the park and do the botanical gardens instead. (much more romantic than mountain bikes, don't you think?) i had been to the gardens when i first moved to texas and remembered the japanese garden being really beautiful. and it still was this time, but overall the experience wasn't as impressive. we accidentally wandered into an undeveloped area, and instead of feeling like a secret trail...we could see cars on the highway and hear the traffic! but i did get a bunch of great pics, so overall it was a success. (and we danced like school kids in a gazebo on the grounds)

milos, greece

the week we spent in milos was one of the most amazing trips of my life. here are a few of the photos...but they can't really do the place justice. to really get an idea of the experience, first you need to imagine yourself relaxing from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. a cool breeze ruffling your hair, and bringing in a delicious ocean scent. a sky so blue you don't see a cloud for 6 days straight. and some of the most amazing food you have ever tasted...fish straight from the sea, vegetables from the garden, local wine chilled to perfection.

the trip started off gorgeous...a sunset AND sunrise while crossing timezones!

we wandered around athens the night before heading to milos...through the narrow alleyways, up to the acropolis.

our hotel was perfect...the view from my lounge chair on the first day.

this is what i came for...the typical white washed homes make such a statement against the (always) blue sky.

mmmm, and my favorite meal on the trip...grilled calamari at a seaside restaurant in the fishing village of pollonia.

travel.

i love packing. making the long list of items i will assuredly never use, but deem necessary at this moment. i love the anticipation, getting ready for the big adventure. i love the moment when everything is securely fastened in the suitcase and the zipper is pulled tight.

i love airports. i love the excitement of getting my boarding pass, looking at the list of departures, watching all of my fellow travelers.

i love the unexpected pleasures. being bumped to business class for an international flight. finding that our "budget" hotel room has a balcony, AND an ocean view. meeting the locals and getting a tip for the best meal in town.

i love learning a new environment. that moment when you realize you don't need the map anymore. when you know how to use the subway-bus-pack mule-system without asking for help.

...and i love the bragging rights. i'm secretly most in love with the re-telling of my travels. the slight exaggeration of the highlights. the more impressive exaggeration of the mishaps and misfortunes. i love saying in dinner conversation "oh yes, i remember that from my time in china" or "well, when i lived in australia..." and i get an extra twinge of pleasure when someone says "wow, you've been everywhere."

not yet...but that's the goal.