swerve

as i was trying to decide how to write what i've been feeling lately, i started looking through my archives for a photo to go along with the post. the image above was taken over a year ago on a glorious spring day when my husband went to a conference on the SMU campus and i wandered around with my camera. this sculpture is actually a moving art piece...it squiggles along like a snake above the water. when i went to name the image for this post i immediately typed swervy {i am notorious for making up words}. and in doing this, i instinctively typed swerve in my google search bar to find the definition.  here is what merriam-webster had to say:

{Synonym Discussion of SWERVE}

swerve, veer, deviate, depart, digress, diverge...to turn aside from a straight course. swerve may suggest a physical, mental, or moral turning away from a given course, often with abruptness. veer implies a major change in direction. deviate implies a turning from a customary or prescribed course. depart suggests a deviation from a traditional or conventional course or type. digress applies to a departing from the subject of one's discourse. diverge may equal depart but usually suggests a branching of a main path into two or more leading in different directions.

i continue to find it amazing how the universe puts everything right where i need it, at the exact moment in which i need it. yesterday morning i woke up lazy and stayed in bed to read while d was getting ready for work. it was a book i started months ago, and abandoned when i no longer needed it, but picked up again recently. it is titled writing as a way of healing, by louise desalvo {whose blog is great too}. the words poured into my parched soul, overflowing my writer's heart with joy. i spent most of the morning working on timelines for my memoir and blissfully focused on writing.
 
then last night, i cried in bed. i was tired and overwhelmed and anxious and irritated. i was freaking out about our {summer adventure}, money and jobs and "irresponsible behavior." i was the polar opposite of the joyful creative soul of only 12 hours prior. and the fact that my mood could swing so wide in the course of a day was making me even more frustrated. but after a good cry and talking it through with david, i realized something i have known for a long time.
 
taking the road less traveled isn't supposed to be easy. sometimes, going against the grain can cut you wide open. and in those moments when my dreams are so close i can feel their breath warm on my face, it can be really damn scary. i think i was crying for the path i am leaving, the sharp turn i have made in the direction of my wildest dreams. i am anticipating the bumps ahead, blazing this trail so few have traveled before me. i am gathering the support i will need and the tools necessary to navigate the ever-changing terrain.
 
watch me while i swerve.