restless extremes

i carry a lot of polarities inside of me, always vying for attention, one slowly gaining ground only to be taken over by a surge in its opponents' strength. at this point in my life, it is my desire to become a full-time-bohemian-nomad, living a creative lifestyle vs. my financially responsible professional self who wants to be sure my resume can hold water in the future. this has been a constant struggle throughout my life.

i am a wanderer. i love new places, adventures, challenges, and i can't find them working a 9-5 job in an american city. i've known this since i was sitting in a cubicle in the offices of Carat ICG on michigan avenue. back then, i read articles of women adventurers, working as scuba instructors in exotic oceans across the globe. of business owners and travel writers and national geographic photographers. i envied them, yearned for the opportunity to live a life of excitement and adventure. to take the road less traveled by, to be daring, original, to blaze my own path. and i still do this—a dozen years later—craving the untraditional, eager to explore new possibilities, distant lands; seeking fresh ways to share my gifts, learn new skills, expand my mind.

these extremes have become much more apparent over the last three years, as i've been forced to reconcile my wild-child dreams with a marriage and a master's degree. my more stable husband is a study in rationalization, master of pro/con lists and back-up back-up plans. he leaves no room for unexpected contingencies. and after two years of study, i felt the need to actually use my social work degree, to work at a respectable job and make money. but the more i do so, the more i realize…this is not the life i was born to live.

No comments:

Post a Comment