truth challenge #7

someone who's made my life worth living for...

i never really felt that i'd been depressed throughout my grief. at least not in the way it hit me last year. there were multiple times i felt like i just wanted to be dead--not suicidal ideations, i could never kill myself--but rather a longing to have all the chaos and anxiety end. but david would always come home, pull me out of bed and find something to lift me out of the depths of my own misery. the well was so deep some days i felt like that toddler who fell down the long shaft...the police and fireman who finally saved her. those days he was my reason for living...the love i felt for him outweighing the pull to the other side. i knew it would hurt him too much if i were gone. i was able to overcome some of the anxiety by focusing on the future we were planning together. when we would dream those big dreams, i could see beyond the depression which had hijacked my mind.