discovery #38

i am impatient

i want everything now. i am an instant gratification kinda gal. i have all these big dreams and goals and plans, and i want it all RIGHT NOW. i am beginning to discover that i need to actually put in the hard work to get there. and i am trying to enjoy the journey as i do so.

i never realized this about myself before, but now that i look back...i see i've had a lot of big plans. all were just big dreams really, since i never put in the effort to bring them to fruition. i think i've started blaming this phenomenon on my life philosophy - to live in the moment, that all we can trust is the present. but it is slowly becoming clear that this philosophy may be shortchanging my dreams. if i am only focused on today...how can i prepare for the future?

especially if i have a very clear vision of how i want that future to look? david and i have been making some big decisions on how to achieve that lifestyle and i'm proud that i have been able to look past tomorrow. i still believe that we need to enjoy--and be grateful for--every moment. i still plan to live every day like it's my last and be fully present in my daily life. but in doing so, i will ensure that the steps i take today are leading along the path to my ideal future.

...the one where i work as a social worker in some capacity, but have more time to write, make art, travel, and possibly start a family. the one where we have a strong community of like-minded friends and a safe place to rest our heads. where i am creative every day and sharing that joy with others. where there is a never-ending supply of mint chocolate chip.

i am discovering how to channel my impatience into creative energy, the passion that drives me forward. it is this drive, this ambition to create the life i've always envisioned, that will propel me into a future i could have only imagined.