new artwork

it's been a really long time since i posted new artwork...i've found that i'm doing less mass-producing these days, and trying to spend more time on each individual piece. i'm loving the wax lately...experimenting with different layers. each of these is done on wood, i've moved away from the album covers, as they tend to curl/bend with time. and the wood is just as cheap (about $1.50 per 12x12" square) and fairly light/easy to store.

the one above is something i'm still working on. i wanted a heavenly feel...i'm still dreaming of doing an angel painting, i just can't come up with a design that i like. we'll see where it goes.

this is a bit bright for me...and i tend to hate pink, but i'm still playing around with the various textures...i'm not sure how i feel about the butterfly looking so 3-D, but i'll give it some time to grow on me.

finally got a few stamps...still playing around with them...

i'm also working on a new banner tonight...we'll see how it goes...

discovery #21

writer's market 2010

i actually remember several years ago, i was unemployed (again!) and decided i would become a writer. like it was something you could just jump into...a pool on a hot summer's day. i can picture myself at the bookstore, sifting through the pages of writer's market, amazed by all the publications just waiting to praise my work. i had so many stories to tell, insights to share...

and it's true, i did have a lot to say. but as jane friedman so humorously states in the opening page of beginning writer's answer book: "more than a few accomplished editors and authors will say that your book should remain exactly where it is (inside yourself)..." i'm gonna go ahead and give it my best shot.

for me, writing has similar characteristics to quitting smoking. i had an interest in it, but never a strong commitment. there would be periods of intense desire to assume the challenge, but also very poor follow-through. i had my last cigarette on 9.18.08, and not a single puff since. i must have tried quitting 7 times prior to this final (and successful) attempt.

i've been flirting with the idea of writing for about that many years, and have finally committed to doing the hard work. i started this blog as my gateway drug; the first step toward writing more consistently. i hoped the various "discoveries" would become seeds for further development.

i also completed my first creative writing class...this was my attempt to improve my writing and truly learn about craft. the class was a partnership between the hospital where i work and inprint, a 7-week course led by a local professor. although we didn't do as many writing exercises as i would have liked, it allowed me the experience of my first critique and showed how much i still had to learn!

the one thing i have going for me is that i'm always ready to learn...and i know i have a ways to go in my education. out of sheer curiosity, i gathered up all the books i purchased in 2009 on the subject of writing. i found 8 books...apparently i was more focused on learning than i thought. here's the list:

• beginning writer's answer book (referenced above)
• if you want to write (brenda ueland)
• on writing well (william zinsser)
• writing as a way of healing (louise desalvo)
• freelance writing (casewit)
• writing your life story (selling)
• juicy pens, thirsty paper (SARK)
• and of course: writer's market 2010

and i still need to get bird by bird (anne lamott), which everyone seems to recommend! these all represent a direct effort to become a better writer and gain insight into the daunting world of publishing. i am ready to put my books to the test! and as you may remember me mentioning (over 3 months ago!) here, i am going to put together something to send off.

i am taking a staycation next week and will be solely focused on my writing endeavors. it's like my own writer's retreat...only free! i'm taking all my books, all the subject ideas i've amassed over the years, and my dream to have something published in 2010. i now understand the use of a query letter, the importance of researching target publications, and knowing your audience. i am ready for this challenge. i am ready to combine my academic training with my personal experiences with my passion for words.

i'll keep you posted throughout the week on my progress...and maybe a peek at some creative writing as well. stay tuned...

ramblings...

i love words. i love the power of words. how a single word can evoke incredible emotion, bring a long-lost memory flooding back to the present. how the simple act of writing it on the page can transform my mood.

simplify.

i think of a stark white room, free from clutter. uber modern furniture. a closet, stripped down to the simplest of wardrobes--a pair of jeans, little black dress, color-coordinated t-shirts, 3 pairs of shoes. freedom. wide open spaces. meditation. getting down to the basics. a feeling of peace.

this is what i need in my life...simplicity. a narrow focus. a reduction of non-essentials. reorganization. prioritization. clarification. what is my goal? my dream? my passion? can they be simplified into one strategic plan? and how long might it take to accomplish? i have many interests, i enjoy living a balanced life. i like to try new things...have various outlets for my creativity.

but what is my PASSION? what drives me above all other factors in my life? what keeps me going...boosts my confidence? how do i "follow my bliss" and where will this new adventure take me? i am ready for a new journey. i am ready to take the steps necessary to create my best life with david. we have agreed on one thing: we are not conventional. we will not follow the same path our parents took. we cannot achieve true happiness by conforming to someone else's ideals.

it is time for a change. it is time for simplification. it is time to pursue our dreams and take action. it's that simple.

miss you...

jame-
i miss you today. i think it’s that the holidays are over…all that twinkle and coziness are gone. back to normal.

i always wonder what normal is anyway. for the last five years i’ve thought of the time when you were alive as “normal.” and i always talk to my patients about “the new normal” – that adjustment period after a traumatic event – learning to live again. have i finally adjusted?

i sometimes wonder what my life would be like if you were still here. where would i be living? what would i be doing? but then i stop. i promised myself five years ago that i would never do the what if thing. and i like to think that you had a lot to do with the life i have now. the master’s degree, the job helping others, the amazing husband. you gave me the strength to pursue these things. your commitment to andy and faith in marriage showed me that i could be brave in love. you helped me reach this normal, and for that i will always be grateful.

so i will take this time to miss you. to remember the fun times, to peek at the scrapbook and photo albums. i will cry when i need to and not feel silly when david asks me what’s wrong. i will remember that grief is a lifelong journey, that although it gets easier to traverse, the road is very long.

and that i will always have my angel to show me the way.

love you.

happy new year!

i don’t believe in new year’s resolutions. it’s similar to my feelings regarding diets: they don’t last. they set you up to fail. they are not usually easy. or fun. but i do like the idea of a clean slate. a fresh start. a new beginning. (or at least a shiny new calendar.)

and according to this fun “experiment” in the uk, i am right. people don’t keep resolutions. which is why i made a list for this year that is everything a resolution isn’t….easy, fun, and with a high chance for success. here are my top 20+10 for 2010…

30 things i will not fail to accomplish this year:

· kiss my husband (passionately) every day…and yes, phone kisses are acceptable when necessary
· call my best friend molly more often than i did in 2009
· only sit outside at restaurants, the one exception being snow. or possibly golf-ball sized hail.
· go to galveston once a month
· eat healthy foods. (this includes my promise to never again use spray butter!)
· read 5 books (in their entirety)
· complete a triathlon
· go to at least 1 conference/workshop/retreat, preferably on the topic of writing/creating
· take one fabulous trip (or perhaps a fabulous staycation)
· do one thing that scares me*
· celebrate the 2-yr anniversary of my last cigarette
· laugh out loud
· substantially reduce my debt
· continue the “year of discovery”
· volunteer with teens at bo’s place
· make connections with inspirational bloggers
· feel generally calm and peaceful
· swim
· learn a poem
· cook dinner more often
· paint with my sister
· participate in ARToberFEST
· take a mountain bike trip to Austin
· buy a “REAL” camera
· stop feeling guilty about being a bad housewife
· hire molly maids when necessary (to accomplish the above)
· make my own clothes – or modify, alter, funkify the ones i never wear
· limit new purchases
· play with children (or just ride the swings)
· live an authentic life

*this may include: singing in public, speaking Spanish with my mother-in-law, submitting a query to a big publication, moving into a tiny apartment, talking to my dad about his political-email-forwarding habit, etc.

what will you succeed in accomplishing this year?