discovery #4

that i'm a little scared on planes.

which sucks. because i love to fly. i always loved that little jolt of adrenaline when you hit turbulence, then straighten out again. but this weekend i noticed that it wasn't a GOOD feeling when we bounced around, it was a little anxiety-provoking. so i tried to make it a game...watching as we entered a group of clouds--feeling enveloped by its fluffiness--then spit out on the other side.

one time someone told me that you should never fly with all your family on one plane. just.in.case. this thought came to me as casey and i flew back to my mom the day after jamie was killed. both of her little girls on-the-same-plane. it came to me on friday when me, casey, our husbands, our parents, and my cousin--pregnant with her first child--boarded that tiny plane.

but the facts are clear:

583 deaths in 2008 resulting from airline accidents
37,261 deaths in 2008 resulting from auto accidents
(oh and as i'm researching...apparently there were a handful of triathlon-related deaths last year)

sadly, i am not more scared to get behind the wheel of my SUV (or maybe i'd drive slower). and i am beginning my training for the danskin tri in austin 2010. i always said i'd kick some butt on fear factor-- i never thought anything scared me. (but i also never auditioned because they kept creating more and more disgusting "insect-animal testicle-slime shakes"...yuck.)

but i digress. the point is...as i get older my fears change. when i was 6 it was probably the flying purple people eater (my dad loved that song!) at 16: not looking good in my bikini for spring break. 25: never finding my passion. and apparently this year it's air travel. but i'm sure i'll get over it, as i have all the rest.

and someday i might shake the fear of losing someone else close to me. because that's what it's really about...those things we have no control over. life changes. people come and go from our lives. the only thing we can control is the time we spend with those we love.

and to do that...i have to fly the friendly skies.