since i began this journey a couple months ago i have begun reading creative blogs during my lunch break, when i can't get away from my desk. (note: i do at least 1-2x week leave the office and eat with friends near a beautiful fountain with a pianist playing in the lobby.)
i love to visit sarah-ji to get my chi-town fix every so often and today i found more writing than her usual description of a fabulous photo. her post on shutter sisters (an amazing place for inspiration!) really got me thinking about my own "lens"...how i view myself and the world. she also talks about "opening my heart to what (others) see in me" in a recent post, which is something i did about 5 years ago.
we'll start there...
just as i was deciding to leave chicago and move down to houston, we were planning for jamie/andy's pre-trial hearing in georgia. there were a lot of emotions and i was making a huge life-altering decision while i was still very much grieving (which is a big no-no in all of the bereavement literature, btw). so, i sent this e-mail to all of my friends and family i was leaving up north:
I am asking that each of you take some time and put down in writing your thoughts on me. (God, am I self-centered or what???) It's just interesting what other people's perceptions of you are, and right now I'm having trouble being objective. I have some thoughts on what I want to do, but before I go public (baby steps, you know) I need to do some soul-searching. Which is where you come in. And maybe it's a little need for confidence-boosting before this weekend.
i focused the whole message on my career, but the responses i received were overwhelmingly focused on me as a person/friend/cousin/creator of fun. i have referred to these love-filled messages many times over the past years, particularly when i need a boost and to remember that whatever i may see in myself at a certain point in time...these people are combining years of data into their assessments.
i am pleased to report that at this point in my life, my heart is fully opened to the view that others see of me. i am fortunate that as a result of a traumatic experience i found the strength to ask for what i needed at that time. and since then have continued to practice awareness of those things that make life beautiful.
as a social worker, and the sister of a victim of a violent crime, i know that life is not always beautiful. but i truly believe that it is my mission in life to look past the evil.dirty.ugly.horrible parts and embrace those gifts we may have overlooked in the past.
we'll start there...
just as i was deciding to leave chicago and move down to houston, we were planning for jamie/andy's pre-trial hearing in georgia. there were a lot of emotions and i was making a huge life-altering decision while i was still very much grieving (which is a big no-no in all of the bereavement literature, btw). so, i sent this e-mail to all of my friends and family i was leaving up north:
I am asking that each of you take some time and put down in writing your thoughts on me. (God, am I self-centered or what???) It's just interesting what other people's perceptions of you are, and right now I'm having trouble being objective. I have some thoughts on what I want to do, but before I go public (baby steps, you know) I need to do some soul-searching. Which is where you come in. And maybe it's a little need for confidence-boosting before this weekend.
i focused the whole message on my career, but the responses i received were overwhelmingly focused on me as a person/friend/cousin/creator of fun. i have referred to these love-filled messages many times over the past years, particularly when i need a boost and to remember that whatever i may see in myself at a certain point in time...these people are combining years of data into their assessments.
i am pleased to report that at this point in my life, my heart is fully opened to the view that others see of me. i am fortunate that as a result of a traumatic experience i found the strength to ask for what i needed at that time. and since then have continued to practice awareness of those things that make life beautiful.
as a social worker, and the sister of a victim of a violent crime, i know that life is not always beautiful. but i truly believe that it is my mission in life to look past the evil.dirty.ugly.horrible parts and embrace those gifts we may have overlooked in the past.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment